sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
