HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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