Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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