sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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