You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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