I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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