I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
