Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
