I hope mine doesn't look like that
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
