he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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