i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
