I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
