Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I can't turn off my feet"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
