It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
