Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
