Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
