Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
