Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
