Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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