my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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