Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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