She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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