I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
pray to the hookup gods
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
