Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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