can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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