Walk of Shame. In a state park.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
