12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
