maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
