just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
