Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
