He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
