Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
