so that wasnt chicken after all
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
