There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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