this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
