You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
