he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
