your parents love me but you hate me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
