I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
