wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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