I want to have your abortion
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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