i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
