I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
