literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
