Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
