Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
