I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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