I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
