sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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