A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
